Is Mental Health in Your Vocabulary?
Think for a moment of the meaningful relationships in your life. Think about each individual person, what they mean to you, how much you cherish the relationship you have with them, and the purpose they serve in your life. Think about who they are and what you know about them.
How often do you ask them about their mental health?
Time and time again, clients, friends, and family members tell me how infrequent conversations about mental health are in their lives. I could retire if I had a dollar for each time I was told, “Dr. C, you are the only person in my life that asks about these things.” Ok, I couldn’t actually retire but you get my drift here.
Now, of course I understand that not everyone is a therapist, that people aren’t always sure what to say, and that socialized constructs add to the stigma around mental health. In understanding all of those influential factors, I’m left with curiosity as to what to do about it. How do we begin to change this? As with any growth point in life, developing this skill requires us to be willing to be uncomfortable, not have all the exact answers, and open to learning.
That being willing to be uncomfortable part seems to really get in our way, doesn’t it? So much so, we will come up with lots of self-protecting excuses. Yes, they are excuses. Some of them may sound familiar: “I wasn’t raised like that.”, “I don’t want to be nosey.”, or how about this one, “Oh me and so & so don’t talk like that”. Those are all examples of stories we tell ourselves to avoid being uncomfortable.
It’s ironic right? That we can logically and emotionally truly care for someone, yet never ask certain questions or talk about certain topics-simply because they are uncomfortable. Today I urge you to consider the enormous value on the other side of that discomfort. On the other side of that discomfort is the smashing of social and societal stigmas. On the other side of that discomfort is a new level of knowing your loved ones. On the other side of that discomfort are relationships that involve real life shit. On the other side of that discomfort is the difference between someone suffering in silence and someone having a safe place to say the inside stuff out loud.
Our mental health is who we are. How can we claim to have meaningful and loving relationships if mental health isn’t even in our vocabulary?
Be mindful, lead with love, & don’t forget to listen.
Dr. C
