Think About How You Think
A common part of therapy is identifying how we think. Exploring our thoughts helps to identify patterns that may be problematic and adding to symptoms of conditions such as anxiety and depression. Doing this sort of exploration is often eye-opening, as it can reveal the framework our mind applies to the things we experience. Often these frameworks are distorted but feel real and accurate to us nonetheless.
For example, a common problematic thought pattern is referred to as dichotomous or “black-and-white” thinking. This pattern is rigid, and assigns things into two categories such as good/bad, yes/no, right/wrong, all/nothing. They are called problematic or distorted because they are riddled with mistakes. Take black-and-white thinking- if we only look at things through that lens-we completely miss any compromising, middle ground, or duality. Problematic thought patterns not only increase anxiety and depressive symptoms, they also make it more difficult to cope/regulate through distressing emotions.
While this sort of identification of thought patterns is common in therapy modalities that are cognitive focused, the conversation goes a bit deeper when working through an attachment-informed approach. When I am working with clients, not only do I focus on identifying problematic thought patterns; I also focus on identifying the relationships that influenced them.
You see, the meaningful relationships in our lives influence how our brains perceive things. For instance, if we grew up with a caregiver that was very black-and-white in their thinking, we can find ourselves also adopting that strategy. Thought patters are learned in the brain overtime, and they will feel natural and automatic. It isn’t until we step back, reflect, and examine how we think, that we can identify where distortions show up. Often these thought patterns also align with how we felt our emotions were handled by our caregivers. Did you grow up with some emotions being labeled as good and others as bad? Did you have a caregiver that ignored the details/context to your emotions and instead responded with a “this is right and that is wrong” mentality? Our thought patterns not only influence how we think, they influence how we feel, and how we respond to both ourselves and to others!
Similar to attachment styles, our thought patterns are also capable of change with consistent investment and effort. Today I invite you to sit with this black-and-white thinking example a bit more. Is this something you can relate to? Here are some reflective prompts to support diving in a little deeper!
How did my caregiver(s) respond to my emotions?
Did I agree with how my caregiver(s) responded to my emotions?
What did my caregiver(s) misunderstand or fail to see in my times of distress?
When I experience more distressing feelings, like anxiety or depression-do I apply this pattern? (right/wrong, all/nothing, good/bad, yes/no)
How does black-and-white thinking influence my relationship with others?
How does black-and-white thinking influence how I respond to my own emotions?
Be mindful, lead with love, and don’t forget to listen.
Dr. C
