Mother’s Day

Yesterday was Mother’s Day in the United States. And although we can recognize the holiday has origins in commercialism and capitalism, it’s a day that often influences our mental health. It’s a day that can heavily influence our mood, the thoughts we have, and the emotions we feel.

It makes sense, right? Even if you yourself are not a mother, the day can bring about whatever (resolved or not) is included in your relationship with your mother. It’s a day that also has pressure and expectation- because good ole’ social media is alive and well displaying perfect and romanticized content celebrating motherhood. It’s a day that can be filled with love, festivities, and smiles for some; while also a day that can be filled with longingness, anxiety, anger, grief, and immense sadness for others.

As a psychologist that works in trauma, grief, and attachment, I have the privilege of working with all kinds of mother-child relationships. From difficulties with fertility/conception, to bonding with your baby in the NICU, to grieving the loss of your child, to finding your identity as a mother, to working through your childhood trauma with your own mother- I am grateful for the many ways in which I get to work with you mothers. It’s an honor to be invited in to such intimate and important relationships.

One of the many things I take away from this work is that how we are mothered matters. How we were loved, seen, spoken to, disciplined, celebrated, or the lack thereof matters. It influences how we see ourselves, how we process our emotions, and the internal voice we carry with us throughout our lives. Sometimes we benefit from and keep these influences, while at other times we redesign and create new ways of mothering. Whether the way we were mothered was helpful or hurtful; how we were mothered matters. Because it matters, it is worth exploring, acknowledging, and understanding.

So today, if it feels safe to do so- explore the prompts below:

What words describe the relationship I have/had with my mother?

What does motherhood mean to me?

How was I influenced by my mother?

How does the way I was mothered influence how I mother/my relationships?

 Be mindful, lead with love, and don’t forget to listen.

 Dr. Cunningham